On Falling In Love...

This one is for my Grandpa...

The last time I saw my Grandpa, he put his arms around me & said "Your grandmother & I are praying for you & we want nothing more than for you to find the right man to fall in love with." I love that about him--but what I loved most about that moment was his gentle reminder immediately following... "So, are you getting out there? Are you dating? Because you're not getting any younger."

He's such a romantic at times... & I laughed when he told me that for Valentines Day this year, my grandma got him a bar of chocolate--& "b/c we've been married for 61 years, my gift to her was to share that bar of chocolate with her"...

I cling to his memories... & love all that he's taught me over the years. I believed him when he told me, "You need to keep eating your vegetables so that you will grow hair on your chest like me." I was 7. Now, 23 years later, I am still eating my vegetables & still believing everything he tells me; but rather grateful (of course) that my chest never did grow the hair he promised...

This quote didn't come from him, but when ever I read it, its his voice that i hear-- & his gentle reminder of the love he prays for me to find...

..."It's not what you say about him, it's what you don't say. There's not an ounce of excitement, not a whisper of a thrill. This relationship has all the passion of a pair of tick mice. I want you to get swept away, I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish. Be deliriously happy, or at least leave yourself open to be. I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say - fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. How do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. Because, the truth is, there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived. Stay open. Who knows...lightning could strike." - Meet Joe Black

Circus Peanuts...

I love candy. I do. Its one of my most favorite things. I don't like hard candy--there's just something about soft, chewy candy that makes me happy. & although Circus Peanuts will always be my first choice, I do have several other "favorites" such as Cinnamon Bears, Swedish Fish, & Sour Anything--Ropes, Watermelons, Straws, etc...

When I first began this blog, I decided to do a little investigating on the web before I began--b/c, the truth is--you either love Circus Peanuts, or you hate them--& admittedly, most people (if they know what they are) hate them. One of my dearest memories is when someone asked me what my favorite candy was & when I told him it was Circus Peanuts, he got me a bag of the shelled "real" peanuts & said, "look I got you your favorite treat." He thought I had meant the kind you give to elephants at a circus--one of the many reasons why I liked him so much--& the absolute cutest thing he could have ever done...

A little while later, I met a boy who understood the true meaning of circus peanuts--giving me the most perfect Mother's Day present just a few days after our first date...

And although I don't think anyone will ever be able to top this Circus Peanut bouquet, i am including several websites that you can go to & learn all you want about these delectable treats :)

Circus Peanuts--My Favorite Candy Blog

A Brief History of Circus Peanuts--published by USA Today

Miracle of Circus Peanuts--published by The Capital Times

Nut Blobs--MetroActive Dinning

Pronouncing Words...

I have a hard time not only pronouncing most words, but understanding most words as well...thus, when a word such as "altruistic" is used to describe me, it can throw me off until i fully comprehend what is being said--I was truly grateful for the compliment--although i don't deserve nor feel that i can be termed as such most of the time...

With that said, however, i do need to explain that i love languages & have been known to spend hours just reading the dictionary & learning various languages in hopes of not only better communication on my part, but better understanding of what people not only want to say, but tend to say b/c of the inability to say what they really mean. Truthfully, there is nothing better than being able to communicate with someone when they feel that no one else can or will--the world tends to shut people out when they are unable to communicate--and taking the time to really listen & then having an actual conversation with someone, blesses the lives of more people than we will ever know...

I've been known to hide behind this insecurity of not understanding by passing it off as being "cute" or "silly" -- when in reality, its just me--wanting to know more, but without a full awareness to most of what is being said or written. I once read an entire chapter about Chihuahuas & pronounced it "chin-y-huh-nu-huh". I had no idea what i was reading, but i kept on reading--thinking that eventually i would understand--a "fake it until you make it" mentality...one of which i fear i have used many times throughout my life--& is a weakness i hope to one day overcome...

Describing Myself...

My passion is people...especially the hearts of the little children i get to take care of--every single moment is an accomplishment to them & to their families--& through all the pain & suffering that they go through, they have the strength & determination of most "giants" of the world...

My passion lies in being able to help them--even if its just by listening, crying, or even laughing with them--jumping into bed with them & reading them stories or being silly with them--but mostly it lies in just loving them...& i can never, & will never, be able do enough of that...

My interests are many--i don't excel in any one thing, but i am pretty good at most things i try, & i am humbled every day at the talent of those around me. I keep myself busy with everything i can--which can be both good & bad--& i haven't quite figured out how to focus on & conquer just one thing. I find reasons to love everything i do & i want to share that happiness with everyone i can. I love the outdoors and being active. I love laughing & giving others reasons to laugh (sometimes i think i am the funniest person around, but most of the time i am the only one who thinks it) & i absolutely love learning...not just from words in books (i don't spend enough time reading much of anything these days), but from my own experience & from what others have experienced. No two experiences are the same--& its amazing to learn from what others find fascinating & the things that are important to them in their lives....

For the past couple of months, i've been feeling as though i'm not doing enough for others...that i spend too much time focusing on myself & that i am not accomplishing everything that i should be. Yet through this, I still feel like i am running as fast as i can to get to a destination I am not even sure of--or even one that I want to be at. Its like i'm climbing a million ladders that will eventually lead to the same place, but trying each ladder just to make sure...

And although my story seems at times to be complex, its actually quite simple--& the absolute best part is that its ongoing & constantly changing. I've been to places i never thought i would be & become someone i never thought i could be. I have been given so much & have so much to give & to be thankful for--of which I try to (but not always succeed at) being grateful for...

The one thing i do know, is that life doesn't always go the way I planned--or even the way I thought it should...& to be honest, it doesn't even make sense half the time---but there is always something amazing in each day...& its in the littlest of all moments that lie the greatest gifts I have been given---& if I let them, these moments can also help mold me into who I need to become...

I just have to remember that with God, all things truly are possible!! He knows me beyond any comprehension i may think i have--& He knows what is best for me in every situation. I have faith in Him & in His plan for me--even when it seems as though this faith (or the borrowed faith of those I love most) is the only thing I have left to hold onto ...